Entry Tajuk Sesuke Hati Pon Bole


Assalamualaykum wht,

Life had been pretty hectic for the past few days. I have a project due on Monday but our group hasn't started anything yet since John is still getting ready preparing for his big game or tournament, or something like that, plus Jessica and I were pretty sick last week. In addition, I had my first test (read: big freaky exam) on Friday, which I had been prepared for with 3 days of only 2-3 hours of sleeps, and at the end I started thinking that it was not even worth it because I sux big time anyway.( I think laa..we haven't got the exam back yet..)

It is funny you know. When you think that you have given all out, you did what you were supposed to do but it turned out that the repayment was not good enough. And at one point it just hit me that maybe I don't need to try so hard, maybe I can just go lazing around, play more solitaires, surfing more stuff on the internet, watch more movies on my tv, because I feel every time I try so hard, things will always go against my will.

Then suddenly, I realized how stupid I am for even assuming about these silly things. How can I question on what Allah has destined for me. I always believe that everything happens for a reason, and where did my belief flee when I need it the most? After I got back to my senses, I discovered more about myself. There must be something wrong with me. There MUST be something wrong if the prayer that I uttered everyday was not being answered. Was it because I ignored certain responsibilities? Did I commit sins without even realizing it, or worse...denying it when I already know it was wrong. Did I do something that He hate, did I make Him mad? Am I that bad?

Or maybe, this was only His test, a test that he created for me on that silly test. Was it? And if it was, I pray hard for a little strength so that I won't be washed away by the big wave of mehnah and cubaan.

Some people maybe think that if one way isn't working out for you, you should just try another way of doing it. They think it is a smart thing.
Some other people think that maybe you just have to stick with the thing that you believe even if it is not working out for you right now, but maybe it will turn out better next time. Maybe you just have to wait for that time to come. Or even if it won't ever come to you...guess it's not your rezeki then...it's that simple.

"Sesungguhnya janji Allah itu adalah benar, maka janganlah kamu diperdayakan oleh kehidupan dunia, dan jangan pula kamu diperdayakan oleh bisikan dan ajakan Syaitan"


If I am smart,
I will go away,
But maybe I am not,
I guess I'll just stay.



posted by Hana' at 9/24/2005 07:13:00 PM |