The Loneliness on the first of Ramadhan
Assalamualaykum wht, I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry big time, I wanted to cry like I never cried before in my whole life.... 30 Sya'ban, 15 minutes before Maghrib House all clean, Laundry all fresh, Mind all content, Everything is all prepared, I was waiting for the great visitor to come, The visitor that I had been waiting for, since one year ago... 1 Ramadhan, 15 minutes after Maghrib I called mak's cellphone, No tone, no answer, I wish to ask for her doa that may this Ramadhan be the best of Ramadhan for all of us I wish to whisper to her all my doa, so that she can present them in the best way possible in Makkah al-Mukarramah, I wish to say good bye, and please do come back safely, I called many times, Ten times, No, twenty maybe... It hurts, It hurts real badly when I need to hear her voice the most, she wasn't there.... I called Amir's cellphone, No tone, no answer, I called Ammar's cellphone, No tone, no answer, I called Ahmad's cellphone, No tone, no answer It hurts real badly when I need to hear their voices the most, They weren't there.... I missed the time when I shared the joy of Ramadhan with all my family, The 1st time, the 2nd time, or the 3rd time without them seemed fine at first, But maybe not for the 4th time, Maybe it's too much for me, Maybe this Ramadhan I am too crazy about having my family around me, I miss sitting on the floor during iftar because the two big tables already full with 35 other people, I miss lining up in front of the toilet, chatting with another 3 or 4 people, I miss brushing my teeth in the toilet while my cousin taking her wudhu', I miss riding the crowded car to the masjid together after iftar, I miss Ammar's voice leading the Terawikh at the masjid, I wish to hear Amir's voice leading the Terawikh at the masjid, I wish to be around them the whole time during Ramadhan.... At this point of time when I thought I am all prepared to welcome my Ramadhan, I feel the weirdest feeling of loneliness overwhelming my air, my breath, And I know I am not prepared to welcome this feeling at all..... posted by Hana' at 10/06/2005 05:52:00 AM |
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